thinking in the dark's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] thinking in the dark [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

ha [20 Mar 2005|05:17pm] why bother reading my journal to leave a commment, if you want say who you are...im a grown man...grow the fuck up///yes i miss my friend...bfd...you know nothing about me...and if you do, then step up, dont hide like a child...thanks:-) 3 comments|post comment

i read your name [20 Mar 2005|01:20pm] in the paper. so you moved to third base...good job..one day i hope to see you play again. i miss you. me 1 comment|post comment

[11 Mar 2005|12:50pm] sometimes things arent meant to work out i guess...wtf. post comment

[09 Mar 2005|06:57pm] myspace is much cooler than this place...on another note, fuckling my aol account doesnt work, wtf is up with that shit. someone stealing my password. i dont know, or my fucking dumb bitch mom might have locked my account...fuck.. post comment

its wierd [28 Feb 2005|07:56pm] zoloft is the wierdest drug. i havent taken it in like 2 weeks, cause i havent been able to see the dr. but i have had so many emotions in these 2 weeks. zoloft makes you emotionless i realize. i have cried and thought so much in the past 2 weeks. i have thought about my whole life. how i miss living in CA...god it seems so long ago. i miss some of my old friends, not the baseball friends i had, but friends in cali, and othetr places. i have also had dreams about the summer and our all-star team. i cant believe we were one of the best teams in the nation, in the world. we are the best in va and was one of the best period. god it so such a emotional roller coaster. but it was so so much fun. you dont know how it is until it is past you. i havent talked to really anymoe from that team since it all ended that day in georgia. what a ride we had, our whole summer we were together, and when that is gone you begin to miss it. i remember the speech i gave before the bristol game-hoe the tem was so torn, how it was such a emotional game, and people left the room crying. and pauly went out ther,e and pitched his heart out. fuck i have had many things i suck at, but i have a gift when it comes to coaching. that speech i know meant alot. that whole team meant alot to me. this year, i want to change so many things in my life. i just want to let go of the past and have new memories and be happy. but god last year was such a good year, an up and down year...i just hope this year is as eventful as last. post comment

i think [26 Feb 2005|03:33am] im going to start writing in this thing again...god so much has been going on. first point that is good. i have quit smoking for good. thats it, i wont light up another cig...one thing im proud of. 2 comments|post comment

goodbye live journal [27 Jan 2005|07:09am] [ mood | blah ] dear live journal, i have been writing in you for about 4 years off and on. we have had some good times and some bad. i have so many memories of me and you..i have used you to vent, to cry, to smile, and to communicate to other people. im sorry to tell you but i think i am going to take a long break from you. Its not that i have found a better place to blog, i just cant take some of the things i read, or dont read. its about time i move on to something else...i wont delete you like some other people do...i believe all my memories with you are very important. I just cant see forgetting you...but i am one of the forgottens, and its sad. so i must go. Love, me alright i have a new place to blog. so if you want to continue to read about my so called life leave a comment and ill tell you where to go. 5 comments|post comment

im glad to know [26 Jan 2005|03:24pm] the extent of our conversations is 10 seconds long...so much for knowing you. post comment

I fell asleep across lines you'll never even understand [26 Jan 2005|03:19am] [ mood | sad ] You can't imagine how painful it is to watch you slip through my fingertips, and feel promises and words flushed out and watered down. I'm losing you, and I wish that which we were bound by was still as tight as this knot forming in my stomach. I want to scream acorss the sky, cursing the cloads as they float by... post comment

finally done [24 Jan 2005|03:06am] so after months of trying to learn how to sing with some voice lessons, and endless time writing music with my new band, our 3 months have paid off now we have 2 studio singles. they sound great. my voice i would say is above average now, i finally found the perfect lyrics. now im ready to let people hear it and comment. so all my friends all the list leave a comment you want a cd. ill burn it for you, mail it to you, get it to you somehow, and include a copy of the lyrics and even tell you my state of mind when i was writing the songs. i dont think my band will ever be anything big, but hey, what do you have to lose, its all free and you get to bash me lol. so please please, even if you barebly read my journal, comment so i can get you a cd, its something im finalyl proud of. i want to share it with everyone i can...thx bitches/// 2 comments|post comment

the deal is this [20 Jan 2005|06:42pm] i slept all day, and in sleeping i dreamed all day. and guess what my dreams still haunt of that person. how the fuck can my dreams still be haunted by that person after so much time. its misarable. post comment

so of course [20 Jan 2005|01:14am] i got yelled at tonight for another dumb move i made. so my mother tells me she is going to make me work at mcdonalds and flip burgers. yea right that will happen. fucking stupidness. i cant stand it. post comment

i feel accomplished today....maybe there is sun on the horizon [19 Jan 2005|07:00pm] [ mood | accomplished ] I want to lose the feeling in every body part but my lips and free myself of all inhibition. I want a dictionary in my back pocket and to have everything that I'm feeling pasted in words all over my body. I want you to write my story with those syllables and never stop pressing your kiss to mine as your hands do the busywork. Have you ever spent time wondering how someone could love something about you that you're not sure you even love about yourself? Much time has been spent on contemplation today; there're so many elements about the big questions - life, paradox, wit - that are so boundlessly perplexing. Now how do you proceed? Is it ratiocination and concatenation? Or do you stand back and allow coruscation? I just keeping looking straight into the eyes of tonight, hoping to catch a breath. post comment

who really [19 Jan 2005|10:37am] [ mood | aggravated ] reads this thing anyway...i found a new place to write...i think i will go there. maybe this journal will stay around for memories. anything else though, is just a game to me....if you read comment--maybe ill keep writing...otherwise---if you want to know where my new home is....its not in your arms. 11 comments|post comment

[18 Jan 2005|05:29pm] im really not sure why i do some stupid things. guess what i did all day, slept til 3pm. i think that is a major sign of some kind of depression. i really really need to go on vacatio. i really need to get my tax money back. i also need some new friends, maybe i should go out a couple more times than i normally do. i dont fucking know. anything to occupy my time. a new job might help. fuck if im going to be lazy might as well get up and go to work and make some money. one of the best and funniest things i did last week was go shopping. even though i was by myself it gave me a good sense of self worth. blah. dear you, remember when we took the pooch to the creek and i kept throwing her in the water. good times ... me post comment

weekend was... [17 Jan 2005|01:22am] [ mood | scared ] well it was the weekend. did nothing. went to see white noise tonight. very, weird and scary. went to the mall saturday night. for no reason to buy a milkshake for some reason, and to just people watch. ive been a bit lonely i think. to be quit honest, i really dont have any friends. hesham likes to go out and drink, and get into trouble, not really my thing. the other people i use to hang out with was the baseball team, well we all know how that is. jaime called saturday. i guess my dad hit speed dial on our phone, and it rang to her. she called back, it was wierd to hear her voice. we didnt talk, it was just one of those why did you call me things. i dont know. i just dont know. i really fucking dont know. i havent been sleeping well. just kind of off and on, being lazy, not knowing what to do. oh went drinking with andre, quinn, and there wives friday night. got hammered up. but nothing exciting really happened. old people have drama like us young people its nuts. didnt go to the horse track this whole weekend which was good. actually i went out and bought some shoes, a hat, and a new hoodie. i guess that was productive in some sense of the word. otherwise thats my update. same shit---doing nothing with my life and meeting people. post comment

I just had this feeling.... [14 Jan 2005|04:06pm] For some reason, i know one day, somewhere, somehow, we will be together again. post comment

[13 Jan 2005|06:30pm] nothing much going on. about to go on vacation for a bit. get some sun. think about how i am going to make this year better than the last. im going to try so hard to quite smoking. actually i want to start going to the gym. i heard it is good for stress. who knows if i will be motivated enough. i have been laying around in my bed the past week, doing shit. my parents are getting angry about it. but for some reason i cant help it. i need some motivation for something, anything. hopefully something good and unexpected will happen soon. post comment

[09 Jan 2005|12:30am] went to giant. clarence coursed me to smoke some pot. go figure, i miss working there though, i miss alot of things. some days are very sad. wrote someone today. other than that another worthless day. post comment

sometimes [04 Jan 2005|05:36am] your ego has to be left down. what a blower last night was. post comment

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